LTYM - The Handshake

Letters to a Young Manager

The Handshake, #494
LTYM >

Please note that this letter is in-process; the following are my notes

Dear Adam,

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I am sorry the meeting you had in Dubai did not go well. It is hard to learn another culture. Trompenaars argues that we may never truly "get" another's culture [1]. What can we do?

At the Imagine Cup cup competition at Microsoft in 2015, I was interested in a gender violence protection application developed by a team from Dubai. The team leader was a young woman from Syria who now lived in Dubai. When I approached her to ask about their work, I held out my hand without thinking.

She looked at me seriously and said, “we cannot shake hands”.
I apologized, realizing I had crossed a cultural boundary
She then smiled and said, "but we go do this," crossing her arms in front of her and nodding slightly.
I copied her, smiled and nodded in return.

What she taught me was that a difference in our cultural norms did not need to be an obstacle, there was an alternative greeting I could learn. What was needed was a bit of humility and an openness to learn. Business author Tom Peters suggests we approach the situation with "beginner's mind," a time honored Zen principle. And a dash of self-deprecating humor helps

***

Sincerely yours,
Ed

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[1] Fons Trompenaars, Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner, Riding the Waves Of Culture, Third Edition, 1997, Nicholas Brealey Publishing Limited, London. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/baa5/8e86493834d21459cba14437d8900542d666.pdf
See Fons Trompenaar's app “Culture for Business” (requires a subscription, here: https://www3.thtconsulting.com/tools/culture-for-business-app/)
and his engaging TED talk on “Riding the Waves of Cultural Change,” https://youtu.be/hmyfjKjcbm0
[2] "Culture and sore shins: Tom Peters On Excellence," Independent, July 9, 1994, https://ind.pn/2A3msQz

Takeaways:

Understanding culture takes beginner's mind

Discussion Questions:

For Further Reading:

“I think Trompenaars is correct when he says we will never 'master' anybody else's culture. This means that keeping a beginner's mind - in perpetuity - is a must for successful and less stressful dealings throughout the emerging global village.”

“Trompenaars' solution: 'We need a certain amount of humility and a sense of humour to discover cultures other than our own - a readiness to enter a room in the dark and stumble over unfamiliar furniture until the pain in our shins reminds us of where things are.’

“I think such a sense of playfulness is on target. My experience says that it's OK to make blunders in other cultures. What is not OK is cultural arrogance. If you come to another's turf with sensitivity and open ears - what the Zen teachers call a 'beginner's mind' - you're halfway home.” –Tom Peters